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  • nwianwood

The upside of feeling down


For the last week, my body has been battling a cold which has culminated in a pretty intense last 48 hours.

Not sure if I have had strep throat.

No idea what is going on.

Barely able to sleep.

Coughing, feels like spikes stabbing in my throat.

Barely able to swallow.


I have been thinking about how often I take my health for granted.

How there are so many days I simply forget to acknowledge what a gift being healthy is.

The divine intelligence of my body and all that it does.

Just that bare minimum normal.

“I feel good today. . . I FEEL GOOD TODAY!”


And a deeper awareness has been amplified.

The joy to be alive.

The gratitude that I often miss for each breath.

Just to be here experiencing life.

The joy, the sorrow, the fear, and the delight.

I forget.


My beliefs have changed a lot in the last year.

Especially in connection to death.

Parts of me are learning not to view death as “bad.”

I believe death is most painful for those of us that are still living.

For those of us that are unable to integrate such a potent life lesson as absence.

Someone we love is gone.

Or the idea of someone we love being gone.


I have been watching a world that is very disconnected from death.

My eyes have opened up to see it.

And a lot of our pain about death is from the beliefs in our heads.

The unknown that we have to make up ideas for.

Filling in the blanks.


I originally wanted to write this post today to remind others to be grateful.

If you are feeling well today. Just to give you a little nudge toward extra joy and gratitude in your day.

It started as a simple want.

There was a desire to be a voice from the place of feeling like shit, a voice I wish I had reminding me more often.

“Be grateful for the simplicity of feeling well today.”


And then I felt a deeper truth because of the shootings.

Be grateful to be alive.

And this dropped me a layer deeper.

Feeling like shit, sick in my bed, is still such a gift.

I would much rather be feeling this than nothing at all.

The sensations in my throat remind me I am alive.


So my hope to shine some light on you dropped a layer deeper to remind me.

Even when I feel the things I judge as negative, there is somewhere for me to find gratitude.


The deepest truth I am finding about the human experience- it’s why we are here.

To experience.

All of it.

The Love, the loss.

The Joy, the sorrow.

The Anger, the forgiveness.

The Fear, the trust.

It is the entire purpose of life.

Experience.


And nothing opens up my heart more than this knowing.

I feel much more love for everyone and where they are.

Experiencing what they are experiencing.

I feel less need to make them comply to my beliefs.

The illusion that my views are the ones that should be followed.


The ultimate opportunity here- play.

As powerful beings, we get to be in control of one thing- how we behave and the energy we emit out into the world. That is our constant creation.

Every word. Every action. Every thought. Every feeling. Carries the energy of the world we are creating.

None of them are right or wrong. They just are.


Tragedy is reminding me that life is precious.

If you want to take action, pay attention to the energy from which you are doing it.

Is it guided by fear?

Is it led by anger?

Is it directed by sadness?

That is what you are choosing to create more of.

I am not saying to you that it is right or wrong, Just be aware.


And as I type these words I am attempting to emanate love from my heart.

I can see how I was lost and creating pain for myself with my perspectives of “being sick.”

This brings up gratitude for this platform and those of you I get to share with.

In wanting to share something with you, something was shared with me.

Even today, feeling like shit, I have so much to be thankful for.

For me, gratitude is often a healing balm.

It is an alignment with truth.

Life is a gift.

An opportunity to experience this realm.

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