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  • nwianwood

It’s just not something I will get to enjoy this life.

Updated: Jun 11, 2021

I didn’t grow up in a family of musicians. My dad beat the drums a little bit and slapped the base, but there was a lack of consistency. I tried playing the clarinet when I was a little kid but I was more into goofing off with my friends and playing sports. In middle school and high school, I never gave instruments another shot. A story was starting to be written.

As I got older, and my ego was developing, my opinions and judgments grew. The scales of measurement were expanding. Good-bad, right-wrong, aligned with-against.

No one warned me of the powers at play.

By the time I was a young adult I had put myself in the file that was labeled NOT MUSICAL.

I could see others were “good” and I was “bad.” I imagined their brains just worked differently than mine. They had experiences that I did not. There was logical information mixed in there to support the belief. I planted a seed, I was watering it and helping it grow, and I had no idea the ripple effect.

I had put myself in a file and shut it away so long ago - NOT ABLE. I even remember telling myself the story- “It’s just not something you will get to enjoy in this lifetime, you have other things.” I focused on snowboarding, traveling, writing, but it always lingered as an unmet desire.


The subconscious mind is powerful. It creates illusions all day long that I hold as truth. This story was one of them. To me, it was reality, like saying “the sky is blue.” I don’t play music.


One day I finally saw it. I was able to hear the words I was weaving. It hit me in a way that I was able to observe- I was creating this story. I was creating this reality. I became present enough in that moment to observe what I was doing.

NO MORE.

This story transforms now.

I have been playing guitar for almost a year now. I play for about 10 minutes a day. 30 when I am really going for it. I judge- I am not a natural talent. I can play a song or two. I have a long way to go, but the story has completely changed. I am BECOMING musical.

I remember the moment I played a full song all the way through. Singing the words and playing the sloppy chords. That moment was priceless. It was a moment of ultimate manifestation. I changed my reality. Removed the vail that I had drawn over my own eyes.

Each moment has this potential pricelessness within it. A feeling of gratitude, a realization of a story, locking in on a self-limiting pattern, appreciation for progress, the possibilities are infinite. We just have to be there, ready to see, hear, smell, taste touch, or experience it.

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If you would like to become a better self observer join my habit share community. Habit share is an app. designed to support us in creating new habits. Step into a daily practice of observation and awareness of self. It is a powerful way to create long lasting habits. My QR code is below, easily find me on there.





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