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  • nwianwood

It’s just not something I will get to enjoy this life.

Updated: Jun 11, 2021

I didn’t grow up in a family of musicians. My dad beat the drums a little bit and slapped the base, but there was a lack of consistency. I tried playing the clarinet when I was a little kid but I was more into goofing off with my friends and playing sports. In middle school and high school, I never gave instruments another shot. A story was starting to be written.

As I got older, and my ego was developing, my opinions and judgments grew. The scales of measurement were expanding. Good-bad, right-wrong, aligned with-against.

No one warned me of the powers at play.

By the time I was a young adult I had put myself in the file that was labeled NOT MUSICAL.

I could see others were “good” and I was “bad.” I imagined their brains just worked differently than mine. They had experiences that I did not. There was logical information mixed in there to support the belief. I planted a seed, I was watering it and helping it grow, and I had no idea the ripple effect.

I had put myself in a file and shut it away so long ago - NOT ABLE. I even remember telling myself the story- “It’s just not something you will get to enjoy in this lifetime, you have other things.” I focused on snowboarding, traveling, writing, but it always lingered as an unmet desire.

The subconscious mind is powerful. It creates illusions all day long that I hold as truth. This story was one of them. To me, it was reality, like saying “the sky is blue.” I don’t play music.

One day I finally saw it. I was able to hear the words I was weaving. It hit me in a way that I was able to observe- I was creating this story. I was creating this reality. I became present enough in that moment to observe what I was doing.


This story transforms now.

I have been playing guitar for almost a year now. I play for about 10 minutes a day. 30 when I am really going for it. I judge- I am not a natural talent. I can play a song or two. I have a long way to go, but the story has completely changed. I am BECOMING musical.

I remember the moment I played a full song all the way through. Singing the words and playing the sloppy chords. That moment was priceless. It was a moment of ultimate manifestation. I changed my reality. Removed the vail that I had drawn over my own eyes.

Each moment has this potential pricelessness within it. A feeling of gratitude, a realization of a story, locking in on a self-limiting pattern, appreciation for progress, the possibilities are infinite. We just have to be there, ready to see, hear, smell, taste touch, or experience it.


If you would like to become a better self observer join my habit share community. Habit share is an app. designed to support us in creating new habits. Step into a daily practice of observation and awareness of self. It is a powerful way to create long lasting habits. My QR code is below, easily find me on there.

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