DISMANTLE GOOD ENOUGH
Updated: Jun 11, 2021
Part of being a child raised within most societies is the process of grooming and shaping. Guidance if you will. This is okay, that is not okay. Good girl, bad girl. You can not talk like that. I like when you talk like that. Bad boy, good boy. Those friends are okay, not those. Most often there is a reward and punishment system. Sometimes there are simply varying degrees of punishment. To a very impressionable mind of a child, that is vibrating at a slower frequency, this can be very traumatizing.
The simple mind of a child does not have the amount of life experience to deduce what the parent is trying to do. The parent might not be sure either, they might just be doing what they think they are supposed to do. Or possibly repeating parts of what their parents have shown them. The message a child may receive is- these parts of you are okay, these parts are not okay. In this way of parenting the seeds are planted- Parts of you are acceptable, and parts of you are not. A dualistic rating system of Good and Bad related to self is closely tied to behavior. The sliding scale is activated, and for some, it will operate the rest of their life.
Once we leave the home, and the parents are not so easily accessible to tell us of the good or bad we are doing, the internal dialogue becomes the substitute teacher. We become the ones judging where we reside on the scale. The well-known perspective ripples out - we are our harshest critiques.
What I see in most personal growth, self-love, self-development spaces, is a bandaid fix - in my judgment. Just repeat daily that you are enough. Repeat the mantra enough and it will become true. I am good enough, I am good enough, I am good enough. For some, this seems to help. But today I want to bring in a whole different perspective. Dismantling the whole system of belief.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOOD ENOUGH. It is an ego-based judgment that changes based upon the perspective of the one judging. A system of measurement and separation that is used within a world built-in duality.
Free yourself of this weight. Practice daily to observe your mind and body so that you can catch when you are playing this role of a little kid whose life experience brought on such a false belief. I took this message on because my parents got divorced. If only I was better they would have stayed together, was the belief. That is insanely absurd. Looking back I can see, oh I was a child, I did not know better. As an adult, it is my responsibility to stop believing it and keeping it alive. I need to weed out those seeds that are not serving my highest purpose.
My parents did their best to shape me into a good human, hey I think they did a damn good job, but part of the upbringing imprinted a belief that I am not whole, I am not complete as I am. This is not their fault, it is not my fault, it just is a part of my human experience currently. Now I get to grow out of it and no longer play the childish game of good enough. It is an illusion. It’s as made up as the belief of Santa, the Easter bunny, and well any of the other imaginary characters of childhood.
Let it go. . . maybe you have been telling yourself you are not good enough for so long that it will be healing to tell yourself that you are GOOD ENOUGH for a while. If that is your truth, go for it. But can we please just open it up and air it out - there is no such thing as good enough when it comes to who we are as human beings.
If you would like to become a better self observer join my habit share community. Habit share is an app. designed to support us in creating new habits. Step into a daily practice of observation and awareness of self. It is a powerful way to create long lasting habits. My QR code is below, easily find me on there.