Be with displeasure
Spoiled children are not responsible for turning out to be whiners and complainers.
That early in life they have not developed the ability to make a conscious choice.
Their personality traits are created through experiences.
Pampering, victimization, constant attempts at pleasure, and responding to their every desires, create reactions from repetition.
This is not who they are as a person, this is a creation from their circumstances.
The human systems react to circumstantial stimuli.
Patterns forming, behaviors matching, beliefs developing.
This morning I had the opportunity to join some amazing humans for a temazcal ceremony.
Which happens to be one of my favorite ceremonies.
It has been in my life from the time I was a little boy.
Sitting inside a concealed space in which red hot stones are placed.
Pouring water on them to create steam.
Filling the place with prayers, chants, and songs.
Most of the time sitting directly on the earth.
This morning I was sitting cross-legged close to the grandfathers- the stones.
I could not find comfort.
I kept feeling little pebbles and rocks under my ankles and feet.
I had some displeasure come up.
Sitting for a couple of hours cross-legged is a stretch in itself for me.
I caught myself making great efforts to find comfort.
To find pleasure.
And then it hit me. . .
Ean, are you gonna die if you feel this discomfort under your ankle?
Are your bones going to break?
Will you not be able to walk anymore?
Obviously I was teasing myself a bit.
No, of course not.
Can you just be with these sensations?
The body and mind are just trying to keep you safe, you are safe.
I started to think about this with my life.
Being so spoiled.
Having so many gifts and pleasures.
Often not letting myself be with hardship, discomfort, displeasure.
Not training to just observe, be present with it.
I am doing myself a disservice.
I set myself up to be a spoiled child.
Reactive to anything other than what I crave.
Comfort, pleasure, consumption, entertainment.
A disagreement - Against it!
A change of pace - Against it!
People behaving in ways I don’t agree with - Against it!
Life not going as I think it should - Against it!
And so I find myself in the ceremony of life, always trying to move the rocks and pebbles.
But is this my only option in this complex reality?
I decided to leave that rock under my ankle.
To be with the sensation in a more curious way.
And by the time the songs started to fill the space, I completely forgot about it.
My system adjusted.
The need for change left me.
The rock wasn’t the problem, my desire for something other than
what has created the problem.
I left thinking about this practice.
I dog eared that moment in time.
Placed a post-it note.
Can I be with discomfort?
Can I be with displeasure?
And it be okay?
Can I stay curious and playful with the sensations?
Watch the stories I make up about them.
And in this practice, I become less volatile.
I become more stable.
In charge of what goes on inside, and not dependent upon the outer.
I take responsibility for parenting the spoiled parts of me.
That squirm in response to displeasure.
I share the wisdom with the parts that need it most.
Life is sensational.
Can I be present for all of it?