Something that I don’t talk about very often is my journey with plant medicines.
That is going to change in the future because I am feeling the importance of this topic.
I have been attracted to psychedelics and plants that alter my experience for most of my life.
Mushrooms have been medicine to me for decades.
Leading me to a deeper connection with the natural world.
They have opened my eyes to the beauty of nature and shown me I am an equal expression.
In the last 3 years, I have become more intentional, more ceremonial, and have found plant medicines as a path to deep healing.
These journeys release past trauma energy, integrate life experiences and bring awareness to alternate perspectives.
We are seeing the world waking up to the importance of plant medicines.
Seeing the lies exposed in reference to cannabis and the propaganda of reefer madness.
Bringing awareness to the neurological benefits of psilocybin mushrooms in micro and macro doses.
This past weekend I attended a Yage ceremony.
It is a similar medicine to Ayahuasca.
There is a powerful pair of abuelos (grandparents) that come from Columbia to serve this medicine here in Mexico.
I sat with them Saturday night and want to share a powerful teaching that happened through me on Sunday morning.
Today I am not going to dive into the actual ceremony, I am going to focus on the morning after. This is where the teaching presented itself.
The ceremony starts around midnight and lasts until sunrise.
The grandparents always share a theme. Words that we talk about and connect with.
Once the sun rises we have the final discussion about our experiences and how they connect to the themes.
For this ceremony, our themes were Comprehend and Decision.
Yage in my experience and the experience of many others is much softer than Ayahuasca.
It brings out a lot of love in people.
Open hearts, loving words, tearful eyes.
In the morning there was a common theme of love and connection.
As people were sharing I noticed myself getting disgruntled.
I was agitated. Even being judgmental in my head.
“Of course, another I am one with God, we are all love and bliss story.” I found myself thinking.
I was in this interesting back and forth in my mind.
Watching these thoughts and feelings, and wishing I would not be feeling the way I was.
I also wanted to have something profound to say.
There was a longing for an experience to share that would connect me to others.
The truth was most of my ceremony the night before wasn’t translatable for me.
It felt deeper than words, it felt like purely vibrational.
Like a sound bath ceremony, but not from sound.
I have been observing this version of myself a lot lately.
The angry complainer.
It comes up in many ceremonies.
Shinning the light into the dark corners where I haven’t looked for some time.
This persona was present for the morning.
Angry, complaining, against what was happening.
And with it comes a feeling of loneliness from a closed heart.
As the circle kept sharing I felt more and more isolated.
Love, happiness, joy, depth, it just kept being talked about.
The sensations in my body were starting to become intense.
I had this feeling that I just wanted it to be over.
Wanted people to stop talking so I could go home.
It was quite displeasurable.
They kept opening up the floor to people to share their experiences.
“Who wants to speak next?”
All of a sudden my hand went up and my voice went out, it was as if I couldn’t control it.
“Permission to speak,” I said.
I had broken the damn open, it was all coming out now.
“I don’t feel the love, connection, and togetherness everyone is sharing.”
“I feel sad, angry, and loneliness.”
The sensations in my body were moving all over.
The energy was flowing from head to toe.
My body’s intelligence had taken over my entire system.
Even my mouth and the hand that raised.
I could feel the energy leaving with my words.
As if that was the medicine.
Opening up so that what was stuck inside could come out.
It was an interesting experience to watch.
I finished by talking about how I am trying to allow all feelings to be okay and trust in their medicine.
The dust settled.
My heart rate began to descend.
My breath was coming back to a calm pace.
I continued to share my truth about how I felt.
It felt super revealing. I closed my eyes as to separate out some of the sensations.
And what rippled out after I shared blew my mind.
Not only in the way I felt inside, but what transpired in the circle.
People came and thanked me later as it gave them permission to share what they were feeling.
I had a young man share with me in Spanish how much it had touched him.
The grandparents loved on me and I felt the deepest connection from them I had felt thus far.
The anger was gone, the sadness was not nearly as present, and all the connections I received filled the emptiness I had been feeling.
Now I can not claim this in any way from my ego.
I did not do anything, and this is where true medicine is for me.
My body took over. It put me in the position I had to talk.
And the rest followed.
A lesson that has been stirring inside of me strengthened and morphed.
Teaching me that emotions just need to move freely, they need their energetic freedom.
When the mind comes in and clamps down on a story, I have been taken off track.
Words can only point to felt sensations. They can not encapsulate them.
And when we try to throw felt experience into complicated locked boxes known as labels, ideas, and words, we trap ourselves inside with them.
If we can just give them an avenue of expression they will flow through like a cloud in the sky.
Providing a subtle filter to the light inside.
Angry? Punch pillows. Yell. Run. Karate chop the air. Growl.
Sad? Cry. Watch a heartfelt movie. Write. Listen to music and move your body.
Afraid? Lay down and allow it to be okay. Make sounds. Shake your body.
I can’t get this saying out of my head that is the title of an amazing book:
PERMISSION TO FEEL
For so long we have been taught from so many directions that feelings are not good, not right, not okay. We locked ourselves inside and threw away the key.
The faster I act on what FEELS true, the shorter an emotion stays with me.
I am not doing it for this purpose, it is just what I am noticing.
What I am walking away with and seeing as value:
1. Training yourself to be present for what is felt in each moment is the foundation.
2. When you spot an emotion notice the stories and let go of the mental grip on them.
3. Make space & time to give yourself permission to feel. Make it important. Energy in motion.
When I gave myself permission to feel what was present it was as if the energy left with my spoken words.
The morphed perspective I felt was that maybe those emotions were inside of me for a greater purpose?
Maybe they were created and felt inside of me so that I shared them and that they impacted the others and allowed them to share?
What if the whole intention behind that energy was for it to pass through me, be an example, and ripple as alchemized gold into others?
When I get lost in making the emotions about me, my life, who I am, I am creating unnecessary suffering.
The more I watch myself and my behaviors, the more I learn.
I believe, and science supports, that there is a divine intelligence inside of everything.
So if we can learn to get out of the way and just trust what is coming up inside of us we can create a healthy avenue to express it.
Not attached to a story.
We don’t have to solve it logically.
I am so grateful for all the plant and animal medicine facilitators in this world.
The keepers of immense wisdom, and a connection that our species so desperately needs at this moment in time.
I share my stories as a method of learning and teaching.
A passing on of the lessons that I go to great lengths to receive.
Now, I judge more than ever, we must bring wisdom to the table to share with all.
It’s all connected, and we are all in this together.